Last night I went to the Montreal Canadiens vs. Phoenix Coyotes game and in the process I knocked off another task on my bucket list.  Also I recently listened to Noel Gallagher’s solo endeavor, which was another facet of my Bucket List, so I need to revise my original list.

• Seeing my namesake graduate from The U or USC. Essentially any school besides my beloved Nevada.  Like any father, I want a better life for my child. Specifically I want him to go to a college with a better football team. Except Penn State, which is coached by pederasts.
• The Super Bowl. Regardless of teams involved, except the 49ers.
• MLB Playoffs. The Cubs picked up Theo Epstein recently, so in theory I may get the opportunity to see them in the playoffs. I am doing my best to be optimistic.
• NBA Slam Dunk Competition
• Tiger Woods playing in a Major. Tiger has not been Tiger since his marital fiasco but he may be the most dominate athlete of my lifetime. Yes, I consider golfers athletes, except Craig Stadler.
• Daytona 500 and the August race at Bristol.
• Chicago Bears at Soldier Field. I have seen them three times. At San Francisco (Jerry Rice Day, which was the low point of my life) Arizona (The Devin Hester Game, which was the greatest sporting event I have seen in person) and at Oakland.
• The Nevada Wolf Pack in a Men’s NCAA Tournament basketball game. The Pack is rebuilding so it could be a few years until they qualify for The Dance.
• The Wolf Pack in a bowl game. Hopefully without Coach Ault at the helm.
• Revisit London, Amsterdam and Dublin from my study abroad odyssey. Due to excesses of every kind I have a vague recollection of being in Europe and studying Art History and English Literature.
• Visit Graceland. It always time to TCB in Memphis, TN.
• See the NFL Draft.
• Marion Motley getting the statue and recognition he deserves at the University of Nevada.
• MLB retiring Roberto Clemente’s number 21.
• A bowling league championship. I didn’t spend three-semesters in bowling class at Nevada for no reason.
• See New York City. Convenient since my main man Our Kid resides there.
• Visit all the locations that Dazed and Confused was filmed at in Austin, Texas.
• Visit the Astrodome and Olympic Stadium. This will be difficult because the Astrodome has been open to visitors since Hurricane Katrina.
• See a Montreal Canadiens game in Montreal. Last night’s game was cool and the realization of a long held dream but there were very few Habs fans in attendance. I’d like the opportunity to be amongst my peers. I use the term peers loosely since I am not Canadian but I feel there is a cosmic connection among fans of the same team.

Happiness
More or less
It’s just a change in me
Something in my liberty
Oh, my, my
Happiness
Coming and going
I watch you look at me
Watch my fever growing
I know just where I am
But how many corners do I have to turn?
How many times do I have to learn
All the love I have is in my mind? – Verve “Lucky Man”

Since I can remember I have always maintained a depressed demeanor. Clinically speaking I suffer from severe depression and this diagnosis seems apt. I can’t explain why I am such a downer but the sad reality of this matter is that I am perpetually bummed out.

 It makes no sense why I am perpetually sad. I have a good life. I have a lovely wife and a beautiful son. I have a career that pays the rent and I even write on my blog when the mood suits me. Simply put, I live a good life. I am healthy, despite smoking and never exercising. We have a lovely home in a nice neighborhood. Each Sunday I am free to go to the movie of my choice to relax (last week was X-Men First Class and then the Hangover 2). If I wish I could join a bowling league and use those three-semesters of bowling I took at the University of Nevada. I get to go to Arizona Cardinals and Phoenix Coyotes games when I wish.

 But despite all of the aforementioned blessings (and there are others that I won’t bore you with)I am bummed out, sad and down. It needs to stop. I need to make a conscious effort to focus on the good as opposed to the bad and I need to realize that, like Richard Ashcroft said, “I am a lucky man.”

 I think part of my sadness is my sense of isolation. “Alone with everybody,” like Charles Bukowski said. I am gone 12-hours a day. I leave the house at 5:45 a.m. and get back home at 6:00, Monday through Friday. My work day consists of a 112-mile commute on the 101 and then 8 hours in the cubicle. I am away from my family 60-hours a week and when I get home I bum around, eat dinner and I am sleeping by 9. There aren’t many opportunities to relax with my wife or play with my son during the week.

 Despite all the good things in my life I can’t function without heavy doses of Efexor, my anti-depressant of choice. Without it I am doomed. One would think that psychiatric drugs geared towards combating depression would make the patient happier. But they help me function and don’t make me happier.

 I think it’s my outlook on life that has lead to my perpetual doom & gloom. I am pessimistic by nature and the glass is not half empty, it’s just empty. I have the unfortunate tendency to focus on the negative in all of my actions and as a result I stay down. My Mother always taught me to expect the worst, because anything less than the worst is a good thing, and as a result I see a lot of doom and gloom on a daily basis. I head to work and I assume my car will break down. I get to work and I assume that I’ll be fired. Cramp in my calf and I have a blood clot. Coughing more than usual and I have lung cancer. This mindset is heavy and weighs me down but I can find victories if something moderately goes my way.

 Another reason that I am down all the time is because I was raised as a Chicago Cubs fan. They’re loveable losers and in my lifetime they have broken my heart a few times. In the 1989 NLCS they were dominated by the San Francisco Giants. My disdain for the Giants stems from that defeat. 2003 the Cubs were about to knock off the Marlins and head the World Series but choked it all away. On top of all that their best player, Sammy Sosa, likely used PED’s and bleaches his skin.

The Cubs are doomed. They haven’t won a World Series since 1908. It’s been 103-years of futility and that weighs me down. Being raised as a Cubs fan get you used to disappointment and even when they’re winning (Steve Bartman and 2003) you know that fate will damn them to lose again. There is no upside to being a Cubs fan except it gets you used to losing and handling defeat.

 But not every team I root for are doomed to the bottom of the standings. The Nevada Wolf Pack football team finished 11^th in the AP rankings last season. The Chicago Bears played in the NFC Championship Game. I’ve seen Nevada men’s basketball ranked as high as 11 in the AP and in 2004 they made a run to the Sweet Sixteen. The Montreal Canadiens have made the Stanley Cup playoffs the last two-years. Juan Pablo-Montoya is 15^th in the latest NASCAR Sprint Cup standings.

These are some good things in my life. And most importantly I have a lovely wife and a beautiful son. Yes life can deal me a crappy cards, making me 5’8” with abnormally small hands with the attention span of a jack rabbit on meth, but those are minor setbacks when compared to what I truly have and cherish.

I don’t plan on dying anytime soon but I feel that if I have a Bucket List I can steer my life towards experiences that could lead to a better and possibly more interesting Life In The DPC. This is by no means a complete list, I worked on it while on my lunch break at work, but it is a starting point.